i have been absent for a long time. when i write at all i have been writing in a secret blog because, well, it feels better right now. there is a lot of change happening right now, and it is happy and sad and hard and...hard. but i am rolling with it better than usual. i don't have the fall sads so much as i have a fall Urgency. i have been spending a lot of time at home and feeling alternately necessary and trapped about that. i had a giant week-long family event and it was great and, as often, gave me some Revelations. i fell in love with the Grande Ronde valley.

this past week was full of amazing people-energy and healing conversations, unexpected phone calls and rendez vous, and planned ones. meghan and tim and angie and maura and eleni and brooke. it came at the end of a terrible work week that made me feel like i didn't deserve either of my jobs and might lose both of them. cosmically, a job that i really, really want opened at the same time, and i applied, and i am interviewing on thursday and keeping my fingers crossed, hard. i can't spend 5 hours a day on the bus in the name of Youth Empowerment for too much longer.

we are interviewing new roommate possibilities and pretending to be positive but there is the occasional scent of dread and fear. we snap at each other some.

these songs have been important:

the kills - ura fever
the replacements - answering machine
phoenix - lisztomania