The sun has begun to set at 8:30, feeling late in April. It feels so tragically early this time of year.

In my delirious hunger yesterday, I wandered down Lake City Way looking for something to eat. I walked into a sub shop that was Acme Deli reincarnated, right down to the ceiling fans whirling and the Jane's Addiction blaring. But instead of pretty sassy girls, the staff were pretty sassy boys. They sang and joked with one another and tossed the mayonnaise bottle back and forth. When I got home with my avocado banana pepper BLT masterpiece, I opened the bag to find that they had written "HI!!! :)" all over the wrapping. Tastes like home.

It is hard to sleep in a quiet house as a woman alone. My heart pounded into the pillow for an hour. I brought a kitchen knife into the bed with me. I memorized the address.

And then the dreams, which I have still not awoken from. A long performance art piece, rapid ancient black and white film clips, red curtains, dolls, blood smears, case notes taped to walls. I wish I could remember more, all of it. A trip to Buffalo and the invasion of an old acquaintance's family's house. Good friends were there and gave me long hugs and he gave me a handshake. I talked about wanting to move back and everyone else talked about wanting to get out. Other dreams, long, that I cannot remember.

This morning I walked trails through the back ways of the U District to breakfast on kale and eggs with Eleni and Caroline. We talked about body language in European films versus language in American ones. We went to the farmer's market and I bought pluots. We discussed the creation of alter egos with colored hair.

I feel like I'm still dreaming.

I am just so tired.