"How are you?" asked Adam, and the answer was, "I've been well," and also, "I've been on a balance beam." Woman on wire.

I am feeling the urgency of my current position. I want to leave the next volunteer coordinator with a structure to step into. And I want to continue to build the positive relationships that I have built with youth. And I want to be able to save a little money when all of this is done, so I can visit my grandmother, and Minnesota, and my New York loved ones, and maybe make a pilgrimage to my European homies, in the coming year.

This week: I saw a golden-boy play a flute he pulled out of a quiver.
I ate a steak and baked a cake. I spent a lot of time in my house and on my porch and with my housemates.
I bought three dresses for less than five dollars each.

A lot of silly and amazing and, conversely, tragic and stressful moments at work this week. Par for the course.

It's interesting that finally, after seven months, I am beginning to find some semblance of a balance in this work. It may be a balance beam, but it is a balance - a difficult, but possible one. I talked to Delphine earlier and articulated this as "part of getting the hang of it is coming to terms with the fact that you will never get the hang of it."

...Another thought: today during team meeting we watched Waiting For Superman - an insightful movie in some ways, a gross oversimplification of the problems with this country's educational system in others. I kept thinking about all the kids who get shuffled into alternative schools or special ed classrooms or out of school altogether because they are simply trying to survive their home environments. Or because they don't even have home environments anymore. I don't think I work with a single young person who's had the privilege or access to an uninterrupted and thorough education, k-12. Education is critical and it's a basic need and right but it is not always the first priority. Sometimes the first priority is getting something to eat. Or finding somewhere to sleep. Or making sure your drug-addled parent, who you are already a custodian for, stays alive, or out of jail, for another day. Or dancing around an abuser, making sure you stay alive. Young people who are living these circumstances become the young people who have trouble doing their homework - who are frequently truant, who have limited or no attention in class, who act out their stress with other students, and with staff - and they are suspended or expelled, diagnosed with learning disabilities, told they are "bad" and "stupid," disciplined over and over. My friend Jen stated this well when she said, "You get put in one of those rooms, or schools, and then let's say you do have amazing educators who work with you holistically and build your confidence and give you opportunity? Let's say you're amazingly self-motivated, and creative? You're still stuck, all the way up until the age of 18, maybe your whole life, knocking on the door of mainstream institutions, begging to be let back in."

I have a lot of other things swimming around in my head. About my own education and school system and educators, about what makes a good educator, about positive youth development and what youth services need to exist.

But, Fridays are my most tired days. And I am booked solid, on this one. And have to wake up at 6, tomorrow.