today i felt like a boiling pot of water all day long. too hot for comfort.

somewhere along the line of my life i became the sort of girl who doesn't mind crying in public places, though she eschews doing so in front of those who might support her. thus i wept anonymously on the 71 home, and busta screamed at me attention please attention please, this shit feel like the whole entire world collapsin.' sometimes a moment just comes completely together. i felt better after a few repeats of ante up.

but then i came home, and there was zoe, and joy in the absurd. and we went to the u village, and i paid too much for my medication because my insurance is out of network and my new insurance hasn't kicked in yet, and bought parsnips, and cupcakes, and came home and rolled around laughing, and talked to frank, and dyed my hair and thought about alchemy, and did  a few animal card spreads that told me things i already knew but didn't want to hear. like that i'm not listening to my body or taking proper care of myself, and that i'm feeling unfairly angry and self-protective and predatory towards men, and that i need to relearn how to trust and to confront my problems instead of running away from them.

animal cards are magic.

new day.