a reason i feel uncomfortable at the moment is because there are so many parts of me having meaningful experiences, and so many parts that cannot be shared. it's like the therapy game i used to play with barb, and myself, about the house, and the pieces of myself that lived in the house, except now all the pieces of myself have to stay in different rooms with the doors locked, and they aren't allowed to talk to each other except at certain times for a few seconds each, and they aren't just staying in the house because it's safe and it's their dream house - they also aren't allowed to leave, because if they left they would talk to other people, and that's really not allowed.

i have been trying to think of solutions to this. on the one hand, so what? i'm just living differential consciousness, right? chela-style? on the other, i would like to feel less like i am living double, triple, quadruple lives. like each thought and experience breeds a new secret life.