I was in the Midwest, seeing some people I love and who love me. I found myself less frantic than usual, and more frequently on the verge of tears. It wasn't a bad thing, just a thing. I think it happened because I felt safe there and I don't usually feel safe. I articulated a lot of big fears and patterns and things that are going on for me right now that make me feel small and terrified. I am ready for this year of my life to be over, and I hope it's the worst one, and that there's nowhere to go but up - because if there's down, I'm in bigger trouble than I can even begin to fathom.

I put in my application to Americorps, after spending a long time not being able to write the longest of the essays. I woke up at 7 in the back bright green bedroom at Meg and Spencer's and it came pouring out of me, and now I've applied. Maybe it won't take off and I won't get anything and I will scramble to make another plan. Or maybe the scramble will be ripping apart my life here and putting it back together in a brand new place over the course of the next five weeks.

In Wisconsin, my grandmother recited Wordsworth to me and told me things that are necessary and difficult to hear. My uncle and I drank Miller High Life in the garage while he ingeniously fixed all my broken luggage with copper wire braids and electrical tape, hot glue and rivets. Savannah and I did what we do best. That is, commiserated over large breakfasts, calmly felt the same things without speaking about them much, slept in the same bed and talked about everything in the dark.

In Minnesota, I saw many important people and missed a few. There was a night wander through the floral jungle of Prospect Park, up to the Witch's Hat. There was a great deal of Team Domesticity. There was some dancing. There were conversations about craft - in parks and on campuses, on walks around lakes and in cars. There was beer, but not ever too much. There was brunch. There was beach. There was walleye.

It was a good and necessary visit. It gave me some revelations, and a lot of comfort, and I hope another happens very, very soon.