today is Holi, a spring's-coming festival where people in certain parts of the world throw colored powders and waters all over each other and celebrate rebirth and renewal. i want in, badly. i had high hopes for 2010 and they almost immediately scuttled to the corners. crashed, burned, got lost.

i am in the mood for a purge. my wardrobe, my books (!), my papers, my New Yorkers, my afflictions. i do not think the books will go anywhere, realistically. 

i am struggling to remember that there is an awful lot to look forward to regardless of what kind of terrifying empty vortex the past several months have disappeared into. there is a lot of time for this to be a good year, and i'm hopeful. i don't know where i'll be or how i'll feel, in three months or five or ten, what sorts of things i'll be creating and what sort of battles i'll be fighting.