- i am not sure which reality i am inhabiting. i have been manically creating extra worlds for myself over the past few days, and altering the ones that i live in.
- i have become reckless. my emotions are so strong that they cause my inner self to buckle and split, disappearing beneath the waves. while my self is disappeared, things happen and i say things and interact with people and i don't remember them.
- i am having trouble sleeping, and then collapsing into too much sleep. my body is confused. my heart has been beating too fast, often.
- i am having trouble speaking out loud. sometimes i have something to say and i cannot make it come out. my tongue is too thick, and suddenly not something i have control of. sometimes i babble strings of words, but i do not know what they are or if they fit together sensically.
- my cheer is not cheer, but this same blank canvas. it is a mask for hiding fissures behind, and it becomes at points too clearly high, nervous, flippant.
- i have been intentionally hiding from and lying to those closest to me, because i am too scared of what i might do or say to hurt them during these blank periods.
- i am terrified, and exhausted.
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