today i felt home. because i am welling, with tears and other things, the small back-of-the-throat pressures that come with this time of year and the requisite numb fingertips, light snow, good conversations, desolate and pregnant streets. i rode the subway to the bookstore and was struck mostly by the american accent of the conductor, and how flippantly he announced (or didn't) the stops - it was what i have been doing for the past six weeks, being in transit, but it felt home.

i walked in the snow to see liz, my scarf pulled up over my nose and mouth. we bought a bottle of jim beam and trekked back to her all-wood, all-buffalo apartment, ate cold sweet potato curry and put the whiskey in hot chocolate, caught up and watched the office. it felt as if i had never left.

because i am jetlagged, i am going to bed early and waking up early, making the most of my mornings. this morning, by skyping with alia. most resonant of all emotions to me, right now, is the incredible gratitude that i feel to have the people who i have in my corner, scattered across the world though they may be.

if every night was like tonight, i would be very happy.