Some Thoughts

I was falling asleep on Tom's floor in East Aurora, a few hours ago - legitimately ready for bed. I made my mom leave a lovely party with ham puffs and wine charms, full of lovely people, so that I could pass out - and then I didn't. I don't like this new thing my body does with its fatigue. I am still swimming around in it directionless, not having figured out the pertinent navigational systems just yet.

Of course as soon as I got into my bed I wasn't tired anymore. Instead I was wired, and reading the book that I bought myself for Christmas, today, Fuck You-Aloha-I Love You, by Juliana Spahr, who I love. Then I was on the EPC reading another thing that I love by Juliana Spahr, a poem that she wrote for the issue of RIF/T published in memoriam of Robert Creeley called "In Imitation of For Love (With a Line Stolen From Ted Berrigan)," and then I was falling in love over and over again with Bernadette Mayer, via this. I went crazy with a Mac program called Sticky Notes and made one teeny digital post it for each prompt and scattered them all over my desktop. I am going to work through them until they are gone. My desktop looks like the aftermath of a children's birthday party, covered in irregularly shaped yellow confetti, but that will only increase my compulsion to keep going until it is all cleaned up. I have been looking for something to jump-start my writing in a particular direction or directions, and I think that this will prove to be a big part of that.

So will a lot of other things. The past few days have been infused with creative energy from all sides - after a bunch of false starts, I am working through a piece of creative nonfiction that I am really excited about and think will kick my ass in the best, most writerly way, over on the blog that I am keeping with Harrison. I had a long Skype/chat with Emily, and we are plotting a new and constant/ongoing renaissance of our thinking and making art together that will also take a blog form.

This is a lot of blogging, more than I have ever done at one time, in more directions than usual, but I think it will be so good for me - keep me moving, creating, exploring, disciplined. Collaborating is the best way (for me at least) to stay accountable and on track and to keep the chaos of my creative instincts reigned in.

It's been at least five months since I've been this excited about (my) creative process. To a new year!